Monday, April 29, 2013

The World According to Tom

I wrote this last year for Tom's 50th birthday, which we celebrated out in New Jersey with family, but somehow we never ended up using it.  I stumbled upon it today in the mess of files on the computer and decided it was fitting, considering my last post was all about Tom.  Maybe we'll call April "Tom Month."  I wish there were ten questions instead of seven.  I remember the kids and I were trying to come up with things at home just before we left, and intended to finish up at the airport or wherever; never happened and we didn't even use the ones we did write!  So they're here for your enjoyment.  If I think of three more to make an even ten, I'll add them later.  Answers at the bottom.  

11.       In the vernacular of Tom’s friends, what does the phrase “Tommy Time” refer to?
a.       Time for a nap
b.      Time for golf
c.       Time to eat
d.      Being late

22.      In Tom’s world, which of the following is considered dangerous:
a.       Talking on the phone, writing notes in a planner and eating a Big Mac, all while going 70 mph down the freeway
b.      Skiing down Black Diamond moguls in Switzerland with friends who have skied all their lives, when your ski experience consists of learning to do the snow plow in middle school in southeast Michigan
c.       Climbing an unsupported, almost-too-short ladder, which is only barely propped up against an open porch roof, on spongy grass that shows every sign of sinking 6 inches if you put any weight on it
d.      Taking a bagel out of the toaster with a fork

33.      Given Tom’s peculiar sense of danger, Tom most anticipates death, dismemberment or serious illness from which of the following life circumstances?
a.       Putting his face on the carpet after the dog has rubbed his butt on said carpet
b.      Forgetting to wash his hands after the dog licks him
c.       The violent explosion resulting from an empty gasoline container being placed on an unlit propane grill
d.      Taking too much Vitamin B
e.       All of the above

44.      It is very important that Tom have his phone with him in the bathroom as he gets ready for the day.  Is this because
a.       He is often expecting an important phone call
b.      He is diligently efficient and uses that time to catch up on his e-mail
c.       He likes to take before and after pictures of himself when he shaves
d.      He likes to play Solitaire

55.      Everyone knows that raising a family involves lots of household chores.  Which of these is Tom’s favorite chore?
a.       Mowing the lawn
b.      Weeding the flowers
c.       Vacuuming the car
d.      Cleaning the bathroom
e.       Telling the kids to mow the lawn, weed the flowers, vacuum the car and clean the bathroom

66.      You’ve been invited to movie night at the Allor house.  If Tom has his way, this night will most likely involve
a.       A Sandra Bullock movie marathon with boxes of Kleenex and big bowls of ice cream
b.      A National Geographic documentary on the ancient Aztecs with steno pads for taking notes
c.       “The Joy Luck Club,” with a glass of wine and Godiva chocolates (and Kleenex)
d.      “Caddyshack” with giant tubs of popcorn and gallons of Diet Coke

77.      If you are Tom’s friend, you might possibly find yourself in which of the following situations:
a.       Street surfing in the dead of winter on a mattress being pulled behind a pickup truck
b.      Alone, tied to a chair in an elevator, no clothes except strategically placed shaving cream, and stopping at every floor on an elevator in a multi-storied building.
c.       Imprisoned in your dorm room due to an unprecedented number of pennies being wedged in the door frame
d.      Come home to find your room and all your possessions covered in a fine coating of baby powder as a result of creative employment of a blow dryer and a large envelope slipped under your door.
e.       All of the above

Answers: D, D, E, D, E, D, E

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